The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui

 

The Urban Life Experience Book Discussion Series continued on Saturday June 1st to discuss Thi Bui’s graphic memoir: The Best We Could Do. Thi Bui wrote and illustrated her book, which describes her parents’ lives in Vietnam, and the family’s decision to flee the country for the United States in 1978, when Bui was three years old. The book also describes their lives as refugees in the United States. For example, Bui’s parents had both been teachers in Vietnam, but Bui’s mother could only get a factory job here in the United States. Her father fell into a deep depression and didn’t work at all. This isn’t just a story about a family fleeing conflict but also a story about family dynamics.  

 

Thi Bui 

This is our first foray into graphic novels. It’s the National Endowment for the Arts choice this year for The Big Read.  

Barb started us off, saying, "It’s a different method of reading. Because you’re used to just tracking the words, now I’m focusing on facial expressions, gestures, what an amazing writer/illustrator she is." 

Robin admitted that she should read it again because I focused on reading the words, didn’t really look at the pictures. 

Marion S. shared that she enjoyed it. "I’ve only read a few graphic novels. It was a little confusing because she jumped around, and it was hard to follow what was happening. But the story gave me the details about what had happened leading up to and during the Vietnam war."   

Janice added that she enjoyed it as well. "I should have been focused on the historical context, but I just gravitated to the story. I really enjoyed her telling her family’s story, understanding her parents and how they became who they were. It sort of reminded me of the next book we’re going to discuss: Don’t Cry for Me by Daniel Black. In Dr. Black’s book, a father who is dying writes a long letter to his son, explaining how he became the father he was. In that story, like this one, children are trying to understand their parents, or the parent is trying to explain to the children the trauma they experienced and why they, in turn, traumatized their children."  

Kay said she finished reading it about two weeks ago. "It’s my first graphic novel. I was able to follow the story along, and I am familiar with some of the things pertaining to the war in Vietnam. I remember seeing all the devastation and death on television. I like the way the story flows and the description of the journey of leaving one’s home. I just finished reading a book for juveniles called The Bluest Sky by Christina Diaz Gonzalez about a family leaving Cuba in 1980."  

Meghan said it reminded her a lot of The Mountains Sing by Mai Phan Que Nguyen, which also describes a family in Vietnam during the war. She continued, saying, “I learned a lot about what happened during the war, especially about family members hating each other because they were either part of or against the regime. I really enjoyed the illustrations. I read a lot of graphic novel memoirs. "

Barbara M. shared that she felt kind of privileged, saying, "The writer gave us a look into what was happening on the other side (of our television screens.) I was kind of shocked that they were able to get an education...we got a look into who the people were and the kinds of things they had to do just to get to the United States, to be spat on."  

Wendy commented "The art was amazing. The names were so unfamiliar and how incredibly hard a childhood was. And the complexity of the mother-child relationship. At the very end, I thought it was tragic in a way. The book didn’t really end in a resolution.” 

Maria told us she thought the book was terrific. "There were a couple of things that stood out about the father’s life. How he went way North to see his father, also the idea of Saigon as a Vietnamese city. She continued, “I kept looking for a delineation between when the French got out of Vietnam and the Americans went in. Bui’s father sums up war like this on p.157 “Every casualty in war is someone’s grandmother, grandfather, mother, father, brother, sister, child, lover.” 

Bonnie ventured that WWII was the last just war.  

Maria pushed back on this, saying, “Men who came home after serving in WWII said they could never talk about it, because it so awful.  

Marion S. joined in in this condemnation of war, even the so called just war like WWII, saying, “People were always saying WWII...but whole cities were bombed. People who didn’t have anything to do with the war were killed."  

Barb M. tried to tell us that if women were the leaders instead of men, the world would be more peaceful. She then added, “But I don’t know if this is true because if you put women in the position, they start acquiring the same attributes.” 

 

Shelara followed up, with, “If your idea of matriarchy is just placing women in place of men, that doesn’t do anything. I think women that are not living under the system, under the construct that we've created would probably be good leaders, but in the society we’re living in today, I don’t see a lot of women getting to that point. Margaret Thatcher was just as bad as Ronald Reagon. The mother in The Best We Could Do was kind of the head of the household.  

Wendy reminded us that the mother almost missed the plane because she was so busy helping others.  

Shelara offered that the mother knew her husband was completely immobilized by the trauma.  

Barb L, called our attention to the picture on page 129. She said it was a perfect rendering of his depression and immobilization. The Best We Could Do, so well captured what her parents were doing but also of herself as a brand-new mother embarking on a different kind of journey. Having read only a few graphic novels: Maus and Persepolis and the Alison Bechdel book, Fun Home. This was a very different experience for me because I was drawn in by the graphics as well as the words, I wanted to go slowly so that I would take in the artwork."

Marion S. remarked that Bui’s mother was brought up in a very comfortable situation, so she didn’t have any trauma until she was an adult, but her father was brought up in dire poverty. Her father was totally traumatized.  

 Shelara pointed out that we should all give parents grace for the mistakes they made. “My mother started sharing these stories with me and I was very grateful. I appreciated these stories I had never known and the trauma she experienced because it gave me insight into this person she was and the trauma she experienced and what she did out of fear. And I think that it’s a great gift I received. Parents who are coming from a very tumultuous life are often doing the best they could do.